*Transparency Alert*

I’ve been on this transparency kick right, about my feelings, my process or whatever.  My hope is that if I am vulnerable with parts of my experience others will feel more inclined and less fearful about their own journey toward vulnerability.  As a perfectionist, with a learned behavior of dismissing feelings, I honestly cannot believe I am so liberal with sharing my feelings through this medium.  But, alas, heart racing, here I am.  My justification is what I previously stated, I’m doing this for the greater good.  I want everyone to ride the “express your feelings” train in a healthy and helpful way.  *inserts rainbows, butterflies, kumbaya*  BTW, I know it’s real in these streets and many of us still can’t “afford” to be vulnerable in many spaces.  But my challenge is that there are some spaces where you can.  That’s where I believe that you can do this feeling work.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling stuck right, and my good friend suggested that I write about feeling stuck, since when I’m stuck I can’t write.  But I was like, nah, because I don’t have a resolution yet.  And I can’t write about feeling stuck without a resolution, until I’ve gotten unstuck.  Let’s dissect stuckness shall we?  Stuckness feels different for everyone.  In my process to identify reasons why I felt stuck I assessed the happenings of my life: Spiritual-praying, Jesus and I are cool; Social-running too hard, as an introvert I haven’t had much time to recharge in between events and groups of people; Professional-great developments on the horizon but stuckness prohibited me from being excited; Mental-anxious with maladaptive thought ruminations on things, people, and situations that I can’t control.

So what did I do?  I was honest.  People asked me how I was feeling, or commented on how I have been moving (in good ways), I told them exactly how I felt.  It went like this, “Thank you so much, I’ve been working hard, but I’m feeling stuck right now.”  I wasn’t asking for advice, I was taking space.  It felt good to take space.  Then I worked with myself, in my own process to address each of the things: what needs to be adjusted spiritually, socially, professionally, mentally.  I needed to engage with God differently, slow down, take space for myself, go to therapy, read inspiring books, let go of control-a lot of that last one.

So, yeah, I’m still a little stuck.  Again, transparency in hopes that you too will see how “not bad” openness is.  I’m a little stuck and I’m rolling with it.  I’m approaching it with curiosity and using the experience to understand myself better.  This isn’t my forever head space and at some point I will be back in full swing again.  Thanks for reading and bearing witness to my journey.



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